Gossip
by PacificPikachu
Summary: Misty warned Ash about her sisters... Too bad he didn't listen! Ash/Misty, one-shot, silly.


Author's Notes: Finally finished something! Took me long enough. Just a couple of notes about this fanfic: a) Misty's sisters are exaggerated for the sake of amusement, b) logistics don't entirely make sense (I'm skeptical that Misty's sisters wouldn't see Ash at all for a period of years, especially when they're in a relationship and Ash is a champion/some sort of well-known trainer), but oh well. Oh, and I couldn't figure out how to end it, so sorry it cuts off so suddenly. Sorry about that. Anyway, please enjoy!

Gossip

Misty warned him many times to avoid her sisters. He heard her, and by all means he intended to follow her advice—even though she wouldn't tell him why, exactly, avoiding her sisters at all costs was necessary—but, well, there he was in front of the Cerulean City gym, about to knock on the door.

"No matter what Misty says, we'll be okay… Right, Pikachu?" He asked the electric mouse on his shoulder. Pikachu shrugged, and said, "Chuu," in an uncertain voice. Ash had met Misty's sisters before on several different occasions, and they seemed harmless enough. Maybe rather airheaded and girly, but that wasn't enough to scare him away. He certainly couldn't think of any reasons in particular that she would behave as direly as she had in her warnings. Surely, they couldn't be that bad. Right? It had been a few years since he'd seen them, and a lot had happened in his life during that time, but he couldn't imagine them changing all that much.

He held up his hand to knock and steeled himself. He was just picking up Misty, that was it, so it wouldn't leave a lot of time for them to do…whatever it was that they did. Get Misty, lock himself in her room with her if he had to, and run out the door. Hell, he had Pokémon to fight off her sisters if he needed them.

It would all be worth it, after all. Ash and Misty were heading out on a cruise to the Whirl Islands for the Whirl Cup Tournament there. He fondly remembered the last time they had been in the tournament, eight years ago, and now that they had been an official couple for a few years, he figured it was about time he take her on on a romantic getaway. Romance and water Pokémon—it was perfect for her. Anyway, this evening he was picking her up so they could head to Vermilion. The cruise ship left in the early morning from the harbor there.

Finally, he knocked. Violet, the middle child of Misty's three sisters, opened the door, muttering, "Yeah, yeah, we're not taking challengers today—" as she toweled off her wet hair.

"Hi," Ash greeted, waving as casually as someone who was attempting to do something casually could.

Violet's eyes raised to meet his, and suddenly her expression changed from one of mild annoyance to, well, anything but.

Then, she slammed the door in his face.

"Um…" he said, looking at Pikachu as if Pikachu might know what just happened.

Behind the door, though, he could hear a peculiar noise. A high-pitched, horrible noise that, if the door were not there to muffle it, he was certain would hurt his ears and would definitely hurt Pikachu's ears. Pikachu cringed as it was, with the door shut.

"Hello?" he hollered. "Why'd you close the door? Violet?"

The horrible noise was farther off now, maybe down the hall, but he could still hear it.

When the door opened again, Lily was present as well. Now he was starting to get a bit nervous. Before he could so much as open his mouth, though, the two started chattering away like excited Pachirisu, each grabbed one of his arms, and they forcefully escorted him inside.

"Daisy!" cried Lily. "Daisy, you've got to see! This totally hot guy showed up at our door! You're missing out!"

Ash's face turned bright red as he tried to wriggle out of their grasps, feeling uncomfortable to say the least, but they had him in a vicegrip. Did they even know who he was? They had to know, right? He couldn't get in a word edgewise and even if he tried, he was utterly ignored.

Daisy peeked in from some room or another, and brightened when she saw him. "Oh, my god, you two, let him go! Like, Ash, are you okay?"

"Aaah, finally someone who knows who I am!" Ash moaned, taking this opportunity to flee across the room and stare circumspectly at the three sisters like a cornered Pokémon.

"No way!" Screeched Lily, in a voice that made Pikachu hold his ears protectively. "You're that shrimpy kid with the Pikachu who Misty, like, followed forever?"

"Lily, you're totally forgetting the most important part!" Daisy said brightly. "Ash is little sis's boyfriend! They're totally in love, remember? For, like, forever now!"

Ash had never heard a noise that was both disappointed and a shriek of delight at the same time, but there it was, coming out of Lily and Violet simultaneously. It was horrible.

"Um…" he raised his finger, trying to interject. "Can we be a little quieter? You're upsetting Pikachu—"

No use. He might as well have said nothing at all. The two younger girls were grasping each other's arms and talking a mile a minute at each other and jumping up and down at the same time, all interjected with squeals and sighs, and meanwhile Daisy was feet away, inspecting him in way more detail than he was comfortable with, as if perhaps he was a fruit at the grocery store that she was trying to determine the ripeness of.

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'm here to pick up Misty for our trip, so if you could—"

Well, they heard that at least, but they still interrupted him.

"Oh, she's still packing! So, let's talk for a little while while she finishes!" Violet gushed.

"About that—um, I—er, well…" Ash stuttered, trying to get out of it, but, as seemed to be the usual, no one paid him any mind even though he was the center of attention.

"So, Ash!" Violet exclaimed. "When did you become ridiculously hot, anyway?"

"You're some big shot trainer now, right? Don't you have like a million girls fawning over you? Why would you pick our runty sister, then?" Lily asked, rapidfire, before he could answer Violet's first (unanswerable) question.

"B-because I love Misty..." Ash said, shyly, pushing his hat over his tomato-colored face.

"Awww!" All three sisters cooed simultaneously.

"See, I told you!" Daisy said, holding up her pointer finger. "They're totally in love, like in the movies!"

Ash spotted a group of chairs around fifty feet away, down the hall in a lounge area where the TV was, and went slinking over to it, gradually, hoping the sisters somehow wouldn't notice and follow him. Unfortunately, they would not allow him to get more than five feet away from any of them, and he ended up surrounded. At least the chairs made it difficult for any of them to get much closer than the fixed distances of a few feet from each other. Pikachu hid behind his head the whole time. Pikachu liked girls, in general, and even Misty's sisters, but all these high-pitched noises and his trainer's nervousness made him just want to stay out of all of this. Pikachu considered just finding Misty and hanging out with her instead, but he was afraid to take his chances. He did not want to be cuddled in the rough way he would expect from such excited girls and couldn't be held responsible for shocking people under such duress. He also couldn't bear to leave Ash alone in the Luxray's den while he ran to safer quarters.

There was a moment of near-silence as the girls stared at him. Their eyes seemed to be like x-rays, surveying and seeking out information he did not want them to have. He fidgeted, glancing up and down the hall in hopes of seeing a flash of orange hair. No such luck.

Just as he was thinking maybe he could sweat it out, that they would just stare at him the whole time and it would be painfully awkward but not as horrible as the alternative, Lily cheerfully asked, "Have you two done it yet?"

It took him a moment to comprehend the question, and when he did his mouth turned drier than a Sandshrew's skin. Do normal people ask each other that kind of thing? She said it like it was normal, but he was pretty sure it was one of the most awkward discussion topics he could think of.

It was official. He was going to die there, in the Cerulean Gym, of mortification. Misty would find him there, curled in a ball, and she would be pissed because she had warned him a thousand times. She would probably leave his husk of a body there for Mew knows how long before finally allowing a proper burial to occur.

He glanced at their expectant faces, from face to face to face, with his mind racing. What was the right answer? Would they kill him if he said the wrong thing? Would this all just lead to—Mew forbid—even worse questions? He was pretty sure he was screwed, figuratively, no matter what he said.

When all he did was stare at them wild-eyed, sweating and terrified, finally Daisy chimed in. "Are you kidding? They've been together for years now, and could you resist _this_—" she pointed at Ash, as if he were an object, perhaps a food object—"for that long? No way!"

Lily and Violet made disturbingly gleeful faces at each other, and at that moment he really, really wished he could apply a parental filter to their minds.

"Misty's got to be wild in bed… Right, Ash? Do you match that?"

"He's probably got scratches all up and down his back," giggled Violet.

"Oooh, oooh, take your shirt off! I wanna see!" Squealed Lily. Then, she interrupted her own squealing session to say, "On second thought, just take your shirt off no matter what!"

"Oh my god, yes!" Violet concurred.

"I third that motion!" Daisy concurred, raising one finger, and then giggled, "I learned that from a crime show."

"I think I'll stay clothed, thanks," Ash said, in a voice like leaves crackling. He glanced from sister to sister, uncertain if they would heed his desire to remain clothed, or possibly, terrifyingly, attempt to make their wishes happen anyway. He was pretty sure Pikachu would step in at that point, if needed, or maybe Misty would have some sort of magical sense that something was wrong and appear, but he didn't want to test anything. For now, he continued sitting stiffly and avoiding all eye contact.

Daisy got up, then, and started walking into the hallway. She was his last chance at some kind of sympathy, so he considered calling to her to get her to come back and not leave him alone with the other two, but his throat was too dry and he didn't want to attract more attention to himself. Well, any more than he had already, anyway. Before she got far, however, she turned around and said, "I don't know, Ash seems kind of freaked out, so maybe we should just leave him alone… We can always get all this info from Misty anyway. She might be more willing, or something, and this is boring. Anyway, I've got phone calls to make," Daisy shrugged.

Lily and Violet looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment or two, and Ash exhaled silently. Maybe they were going to leave him alone now? The three people and one Pikachu listened to Daisy's retreating footsteps, and then Lily brightened considerably.

"Well, now that the party pooper is gone…"

"Back to where we left off!" Violet cheered.

"So, Ash, how big are you anyway?" Lily asked, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of excitement and mischief.

Finally, a normal question! Ash thought. He could answer this one. "5'10", last I checked," he said, proudly. He had been short for so long that his height was something he prided himself in now. "Though I don't see why you're asking when you can see for yourself…"

Why did the two girls look unimpressed? Surely, they didn't think he was taller than that, right…?

Violet cleared her throat, glancing at Lily. "That's not what Lily was asking about."

Lily giggled. "You're so innocent! It's kinda cute! I was hoping for some other measurements, though…"

Suddenly, it occurred to Ash just what they were asking, and his face flushed so red hot that he felt like he might burn himself on himself. If that was possible—he wasn't sure if it was or not. He had had enough, and something in him snapped.

He banged a fist on the table, startling the girls and Pikachu. "Look, you two—can you please stop asking me these stupid questions? Why would I want to give you my most private information anyway? It's none of your business! It's really embarrassing and weird and I just want to—Misty!" He suddenly cried out, interrupting his own tirade.

"Ash!" she responded, dropping the laundry she was carrying in surprise. Once she had gathered it back up, she raised one eyebrow suspiciously. "What are you doing _here_?" she hissed, glaring daggers more at her sisters than at him, but really at all three people. Pikachu was spared any wrath. He opened his mouth to answer her, or really more to spout as many lame excuses as he could before she spoke again, but he didn't get far. "Never mind, never mind," she sighed, marching right in to their little chair party and grabbing his wrist. Unceremoniously, she dragged him away, back to her room, and promptly locked the door behind her.

She had her hands on her hips in that scary way she usually did right before she yelled at him for doing something stupid, so he just started babbling in hopes that maybe something he said would arouse her pity.

"Misty, it was horrible! They were asking questions I didn't know people would ask other people, much less anywhere where another person could hear! I've never been so scared! What the hell is wrong with your sisters?"

Misty looked smug all of the sudden. "Well, maybe next time you'll actually listen to your girlfriend when she warns you about something! But, oh, I forgot, Ash never listens to Misty when she warns him about something. Oh no, that's just not in his nature…"

"I'm sorry," Ash said, quickly, looking her right in the eye. It wasn't his style, and she went quiet fast. "I understand now, why you warned me about them," he added, flopping down on her bed.

Misty sat down next to him, petting Pikachu. He could see, and even feel, that already most of her anger had diffused. "Well, what did they get out of you?" she asked, not looking at him. "'Cause whatever you gave them, it'll be all over Kanto in by morning."

"My height," Ash said, laughing. "I think that's all. Right, Pikachu?"

"Pikaa," Pikachu confirmed, sleepy now because Misty was scratching behind his ears.

"I'm impressed, Mr. Ketchum. A lesser man would have folded under that kind of pressure."

"I don't know if it was heroism, mostly just me freezing up out of shock that they would even ask those things."

"Still, though, darn it," Misty said, flopping on the bed right next to him, somewhat on his arm. "Now they've seen you, post-puberty. I was trying to avoid this as long as possible! I'm never going to hear the end of this! Why did you have to grow up and be all attractive?" she moaned.

Ash rolled his eyes. "Sorry, obviously you got a raw deal," he said, voice obnoxiously sarcastic. "But, hey, look on the bright side, Misty."

"What's that?"

"Three weeks out of Kanto, so that's three weeks we don't have to deal with them at all, and we get to relax and battle and all that."

"Three weeks for them to come up with strategies to torture us for their own perverted entertainment."

"Three weeks for us to figure out how we'll get back at them or make it all backfire," Ash said, thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.

"Well, we've always made a great team, so maybe…"

"It's on!" Ash said with a smirk. "You of all people should know I never back away from a challenge!"

"Right there with ya," Misty said. "It's about time they got what was coming to them." She grinned evilly.

Still flopped on the bed together, they lazily high-fived.

"Think it's safe to go out there now?" Ash said, staring at Misty's door as if he might be able to see through it if he stared long enough.

"It's never safe to go out there when you're an attractive male. Or someone dating an attractive male, for that matter."

"What about with Pokémon?" Ash asked. "Between Noctowl and Meganium…"

"Too much drama," Misty replied, then brightened. "Out the window it is!" She said. She gathered up her bags, checked again that the door to her room was locked, and out they climbed.

"Ha, by the time they realize we're gone we'll already be in Vermilion!" Misty said. Just as she said that, though, both of them froze at the sound of someone hammering on Misty's door.

"Ash, Misty? Are you still in there? I wanted to do an interview for my Pokémon celebrity gossip blog!" Lily yelled.

Misty pushed Ash gruffly into the bushes and shut her window hurriedly, and then the two took off running, laughing as they ran.


End file.
